Tits and burritos

Miss Hooters World 2010, who works at the Medellin restaurant. Dang.

I JUST wrapped up my week in Medellin with a dose of traditional Colombian culture – a trip to Hooters. I’ve only been in Colombia about 10 days but the amount of plastic bouncing around the chests of women here is ridiculous. It seems every chick from 15 to 95 has a macking set of tits. I read in a Washington Post article, that of the near half million plastic surgeries that went down here in 2005, more than half of those were for breast augmentations. So six years ago there was 250,000 chicks kickin’ around Medellin streets with massive new breasticles. I can only imagine how many are being churned out in South America’s ‘Silicon Valley’ today.

Pottsy/Des Culpe and the view from Arlen's apartment.

Amazingly beautiful women aside, Medellin has been brimming with flowers and horses since I’ve been here. I arrived in time for the annual Flower Festival, Feria de las Flores, which among the 140-odd events over 10 days, includes the world’s largest flower and horse parades. Oddly, I haven’t seen any flowers yet (I haven’t been looking) and I bailed on the horse parade because I was told of the maltreatment the horses suffer on the long arduous ride through the city (a few end up dying each year apparently). I also bailed on the Pablo Escobar tour I was supposed to do (if you don’t know about this guy click here), which takes you to significant locations from his life including the place he was killed. Part of the tour involves meeting and talking to Pablo’s brother Roberto, who was the accountant for the Medellin Cartel. This bunch of nice guys assassinated tons of people and blew shit up at will, which lead to Medellin’s former title of ‘murder capital of the world’. I wasn’t that keen to give my hard-earned clams to a dude who was part of all that and who’s now a bit short of cash.

Arlen and friend.

So I don’t eat meat, I won’t rack lines, and I bailed on two of the bigger things going on in the city due to moral reasons. You’re thinking, what the hell have you been doing then you freak? I I’ve got a couple of mates here from back home, one who’s now living here, so I’ve been shooting the shit and drinking beers with them most days. Last night I went to huge music festival with my friend Arlen and two of his cute little Colombian friends, where I didn’t see another tourist. We got drunk on aguardiente (a strong local spirit, literally translating to ‘fiery water’) and danced to a live show by salsa music legend Willie Colón (Puerto Rico/USA). It was a radical show but fuck I felt like a kook trying to dance salsa and I reckon I stepped on this chick’s feet at least 83 times. She may not have any toes left. Dancing is one thing Colombians have on Aussie guys. We are all kooks. I also had a hard time explaining why the name ‘Willie Colón’  is really funny in English when you think about it. Another day I rode a huge cable car up a mountain to get some sweet views of the city and see how the poorer sections of the population live (it goes straight above their houses).

As much as I’ve enjoyed my time here, it only reiterated to me how much I’m not into cities. I always find myself feeling a bit trapped with the lack of open spaces, annoyed by the constant looking left and right for traffic and the masses of lame party-crew who assemble at the hostels I always seem to pick. Give me some waves or at least a fucking beach, puh-lease. Having said that, there’s probably a bunch of cool other stuff to do here, I just kinda got stuck drinking too much beer and eating greasy Mexican food on the reg and not much else. I’m flying out of here in a few weeks so I’ve got another few days to really see the city. I’m getting on a bus tonight headed north to a national park in the Caribbean. Apparently it has surf occasionally but I’m not holding my breath. I’m just gonna chill on a beach, reading, swimming and bronzing the rig like it’s going out of fashion. And there won’t be a car in sight.

View from the cable car.

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